Troubled With a Gun

Troubled With a Gun
by
Carol Robson

They have a gun
shall they have fun?
Pop-pop, pop-pop
here comes the strop.

Another disillusioned, disturbed teen
who thinks it’s time to be mean
an outsider driven by pain
good for nothing, already going down the drain.

Spat on, put down, shunned
parents and peers will be gunned
such actions we see, as insane
notice me! Watch my hatred fuelled campaign.

Everyone now looking to point the blame
communities are about to inflame
some say Media and Films are the reason
for this untimely hunting season.

Look to yourselves, the clues are there
they’re barely out of childhood, without care
lack of love and affection as no one listened
is the reason why, that day, the bullets glistened.

Now the clock has run its course
the cops arrive, now in force
bearing witness, of a blood stained hellhole
as their final act, kills another troubled soul.

© Carol Robson 2012

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Filed under Life, Poetry & Verse, Violence

My Valentine Bad Luck

My Valentine Bad Luck

Valentine’s day is just another Hallmark day
Commercial hype to pluck your pockets
Chaucers bloody fault with his writing of the love birds
Now we see verse after verse of finger down throat words

I’ve loved and lost all year round
Valentine’s day doesn’t make it anymore special
A lover can fuck it up on any day
It happens to us all, straight or gay

Valentine gifts arrive in different ways
Yet! Do they really know you
Sometimes they’re so clueless, with their chocs or other delicacies
I’m on a fucking diet or it sets of my bloody allergies

Then there is the one who always gets you flowers
Every significant date a dozen of the best
It is time to tell them, you fucking hate the rose
Especially if they are on one knee, about to propose

Then I received the perfect Valentine gift, I thought
A perfect gift of the most beautiful rabbit
Alas my Valentine bad luck was to continue
The rabbit died, went out like a light
Then I realised, batteries included were really Shite

So if like me you’re on your own
Spare a thought for those in love
For you still have choice and freewill
To grow old disgracefully before it all goes downhill

© Carol Robson 2012

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Filed under Life, Love, Poetry & Verse, Valentine's Day

Childhood Taken

Childhood Taken
by
Carol Robson

I’m just useless
I’ve no talent
Forever being put down
No good for anything
Only for you

Prod, prod, prod
Shoved aside, ignored
Child without love
Crying for love
But not fucking yours

Constant worthlessness
Drilled into my brain
Years of night fears
Years of night tears
Now in playback mode

All love destroyed
I have none to give
Fear of relationships
Fear of a true love
Never to be experienced

I now see your evil
The very darkness of your heart
Evil that gave me life
I’m the spawn
Spermed from your loins

Your heart now rots
I hope the pain is unbearable
That it lasts for years
Just like my childhood
The one you took away

© Carol Robson 2012

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Filed under abuse, childhood, Poetry & Verse, Women

PIP Breast Implants By Carol Robson

PIP Breast Implants
By
Carol Robson

I underwent Breast Augmentation (BA) in April 2006 at the Birkdale Clinic in Crosby Liverpool, my aftercare was provided at their clinic in Rotherham. Two weeks ago I heard about these faulty PIP implants which before being withdrawn had been made in France. I had heard on the news that the French government were going to allow any French women who had received these implants, to have them removed and replaced, there was a danger of these implant rupturing and the had been filled with a low grade silicon which actually has been used in the construction industry.
I must have been delusional or naive because I believed the UK would follow and allow what the French were doing and by now many other countries to care for these women, to recognise the risks to the health and wellbeing of women in the UK with these implants, estimated to be between 40,000-50,000. How wrong I was, the government insisted that unless the women with PIP had them done under a NHS procedure there would be no help, the private clinics must do these. Later the NHS did say that if any private clinics were not going to remove the implants for free of charge they would but would not replace them. I would have thought here that after discussion with the women that while they opened them to remove the implants how much extra work would it take if the women were able to pay just for new implants to have these inserted. Let us not forget the NHS and these private clinics may well be causing these women a high level of emotional distress.
As I mentioned earlier I had mine done at the Birkdale Clinic in Liverpool at the time of my surgery the Clinic and the surgeon were known to have used PIP implants. I managed to get through on the phone and gave them my details and that I wanted to know if mine were PIP, because I didn’t have any paperwork informing me what they were. I was told they would get back to me within two weeks, so after a few more calls and emails I decided to have a look at the DVD of my surgery, it had been filmed for a programme on the Discovery Health Channel, I could see the tray with the implants but I couldn’t make the name out.
On January 6th I was a guest on the Toby Foster at Breakfast programme on BBC Radio Sheffield to talk about the fears myself and thousands of other women were suffering trying to find if we had PIP implants, also many had found the did have PIP and were being quoted disgusting price to have them replaced, some women would be charged £60 for a copy of their records and even more for a reassuring scan. Later that day Rotherham MP Denis MacShane was on Radio Sheffield talking about these implants and two women he was representing in trying to get them information from the Birkdale Clinic. Radio Sheffield passed my details to Mr MacShane and his office phoned me later that day and if I didn’t get any satisfaction from the Birkdale Clinic I had to let them know.
Birkdale are not the only private clinic who is treating women with PIP implants or just trying to find out if we have them in this way. I also have had contact with several other women around the country who are being treated in the same way as me by Birkdale. As recent as January 17th I phoned the Liverpool clinic again, this time I was told my records would be at the Rotherham Clinic, so they put me through. I spoke with someone for around ten minutes, gave her all the details again and she told me she would phone me back on my mobile hopefully that afternoon, I’m still waiting and my health is starting to be affected through the worry of not knowing and I’m usually a very positive person. I need along with thousands of other women to know now, especially as I had a breast cancer scare in 2010 and a benign cyst was removed in January 2011,
Here are a few quotes from my conversations with some other women I’ve had contact with:
“Hi Carol .yes mine are pip implants, I’ve found the paper work, I had mine in Dec 2007, Im waiting to hear from them ,they are not too quick at that though. I kept my card safe, because I had pain weeks after surgery and went back twice, they said it could be nerve endings repairing. I still have the same pain to this day. but I’ve got used to it I guess, I’m very worried what to do… do you think they will replace them?”
“Hi Carol how you getting on? Have you found out any news from Birkdale yet? I’m still waiting……. I think I’m going to book in for a MRI scan in the meantime. I hear in the States they recommend having one every 3yrs with silicone implants anyway as it’s the only way to show up a rupture, it’s a shame were not advised so well here!!”
“Thanks Carol just read the extra bits now. It’s been two weeks since I first contacted them they also stating a £60 charge to discuss options with a surgeon!! This is vile practice they are making money out of all of this, it’s so unfair! So were at £110 before we even had a scan…….it’s awful” 
http://www.birkdaleclinic.com/cosmetic-surgery/surgical-breast/pip-breast-implants/1828/
This is the page that Birkdale put on their website about PIP implants, this was after they removed the thread I had started on their Facebook page which had received lots of comments from very worried women
© Carol Robson 2012

This article can also be read in Verita Magazine under the title; PIP IMPLANTS – THE STORY SO FAR (EXCLUSIVE) BY CAROL ROBSON

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Filed under Personal, Women

Polari Journal (two of my poems published for the first time)

The Polari Journal Special Issue ‘transVerse’ was finally published during Christmas week. This is the first time any of poetry has been published in a media like this. The poems are Final Cut and Mask.

Editor’s comments about this issue:

The purpose of this special issue of Polari Journal is to feature the best in writing by transgender, transsexual, intersex, androgynous and genderqueer writers, artists, activists and commentators as well as writing by Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Queer writers that features trans & intersex characters, lives, culture or issues.

It is well acknowledged that individuals living inbetween or outside the boundaries of socially enforced gender norms struggle not only with day to day living but with being able to speak openly about their experience. They also struggle to be heard. Therefore, and in acknowledgement of the courage displayed by gender non-normative individuals suggested by the Feinberg quote above, this issue adopted an inclusive attitude with regards to the selection of work. As a result, transVerse showcases writing by professional authors and scholars as well as writing by members of the trans and intersex communities who may not be professional writers but who have come to use writing as a tool to document, express and explore their personal experience of gender and sex.

This issue demonstrates the diversity of the trans and intersex communtities and also reflects the differing degrees of engagement with the practice of writing within those communities. Furthermore, transVerse features work by established and emerging writers and scholars as well as those who have put pen to paper (or cursor to screen) only recently. We at Polari Journal feel that this brings a richness to this special issue that is worth celebrating. We hope you enjoy reading transVerse as much as we enjoyed creating it!

http://www.polarijournal.com/current-issue.php

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Filed under LGBT, Poetry & Verse, Transgender

Used by Carol Robson

Used
by
Carol Robson

Standing on the precipice
she’s been here before
teetering on the edge
her demons tearing at her very core

A life afraid to let anyone get close
nightmares and memories created by the cur
instilled by an evil that cannot be undone
evil created the ugliness that lives inside her

A beautiful woman her life destroyed
abused, raped and used
made to feel it was all her fault
through a life that was constantly bruised

Feeling dismissed and never believed
a life of dreams and hopes in vain
destroyed by their bastardly urges
she plunges over the edge
death releases her from her pain.

© Carol Robson 2011

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Filed under abuse, Life, Poetry & Verse, Women

Another Psychosis by Carol Robson

Another Psychosis
by
Carol Robson

Here in a place, which I should be
I need to be here and in all places
Yet! an urge to run rages through me
fear of physical contact, my brain now in overload
here, feeling alone in a place full of people

Like a frightened gazelle
taunted by its hunter
I search for the exit to safety
an egress to my solitary state
my place of safety in my Prozac stained mind

Neural networks firing their manic impulses
ignoring my vain attempt of rational logic
craving for their mania overload
knowing again, they will fight a long battle
against the Lithium army, that will bring them down

Highs and lows come and go
trying to live your normal life
my exterior facade is all you see
as it hides a mind and soul in turmoil
just trying to get through to the next hour

A life in a day to day existence
that craves for whatever is normal
a time bomb mind with a fragile trigger
controlled by whatever the drug of choice is
clinging to a life of hopes and dreams
that is out of this drug controlled despair
I will one day rise again like the Phoenix
out of the ashes of Another Psychosis

© Carol Robson 2011

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Filed under Life, Mental Health, Poetry & Verse

Fuck Being Austere by Carol Robson

(Read To The Tune; So This Is Christmas)

I know this is Christmas
But I don’t understand
This feeling inside me
Of things being planned

Scrooges of Christmas future
Old Cameron and his clan
They sadden me deeply
With their devious plan

They bring Christmas greetings
Of joy and goodwill
But not for the working class
Forced to swallow a bitter pill

A time of year for children
Pressies from the Santa man
Family festivities and your parties
Make the most of it while you can

ConDem scrooges are hard at work
Cutting Jobs and Pensions too
Hurting Old people and the vulnerable
They’re just trying to screw you

And so Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year
Look out for each other
And fuck being austere

© Carol Robson 2011

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Filed under Christmas, Cutbacks, Personal, Uncategorized

Some of my Poetry to be published.

Two of my poems are due to be published in the Australian publication Polari Journal on December 24th, they are running a special edition; ‘Transverse: Special Issue of Polari Journal’ this will be the first of many I hope.
http://www.polarijournal.com/

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Filed under Personal, Poetry & Verse, Uncategorized

On November 29th Verita Magazine won the UK Youth Partnership Award

On November 29th at St James’s Palace London at the UK Youth Awards in the presence of the Princess Royal Verita Magazine (founder and editor Sophei Mei) which I contribute to won the ‘Partnerships Award’ It was nice to meet and chat with Princess Anne who is the Patron of UK Youth and Nigel Mansell who is their President.

Verita Mag: http://veritamag.com/

UK Youth Awards article: http://www.ukyouth.org/latest-news-hidden/item/299-young_campaigners_praised_at_the_palace.html#.TtfE5gWqpcU.facebook

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Filed under UK Youth, Uncategorized